Joy of Abandonment
by joymariposa
Summary: Newly arrived at Cutter Gap, will Christy find a way to show the mountain people that she cares? Will Neil find a way to show Christy that he cares? AU
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Christy and all other characters of the tv series do not belong to me, I am just borrowing them. I am only doing this for my own enjoyment and not for profit.

A/N: I'm not sure if I will continue this story or if it is just a oneshot, but do please read an review.

Miss Alice Hendersen held out a leaf to me and I took it, bewildered, 'Hold onto joy Miss Huddleston. Thee will need it.' In my first day in Cutter Gap, I had witnessed the near death of a man just a second before the living beauty that was the source of all life and death in these mountains, and that was as good as any crash course on how to be a school teacher that Miss Hendersen could give me. So instead, she gave me the only tool she knew would survive.

I felt so vulnerable that I knew I was a stranger in this place where others had built their lives, as simple and hard as they were. I could be only what I knew, and perhaps because of my own distaste for frivolous fashion and gossip, I felt naked in my city clothes. Nevertheless, after Mr. Grantland cautioned me in a concerned voice, 'Steady, woe. Those nice big shoes aren't too practical,' I could only reply, 'I was just trying to look taller…'

Mr. Grantland, or rather David, comforted me by offering me a gentleman's arm and led me to the schoolhouse like I was a lost sheep stuck in the mud. The children stood, blended among the trees, barefoot. 'They have no shoes!' My free hand instinctively reached to meet the heel of my right shoe and without a second thought, I pulled it off. I remembered that I had just fallen in mud moments before, but to my relief, my stocking foot landed on dry ground. Bewildered, David stopped midsentence before steadying me while I took off my other shoe. 'That's better,' I said, and when I took his arm again, he smiled sweetly, knowing what I had meant by what I had done. It warmed my heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The first few weeks only turned into a couple months, but it seemed like years. I was fearful about doing my students more harm than good at first, and almost went back home more than once, but their confessions about their home-life slowly assured me that whatever I could do, I would be helping. After I got past their lack of cleanliness, which, I admit, wasn't as quickly as I had hoped, I learned to forget myself and my vanity as well. But I still tried to show them that at least minimal hygiene was important. Little Burl seemed to find a way out of everything, 'My hands are clean teacher, see?'

'I told you, germs are invisible.'

'You said God is invisible too, teacher, but you can see him, and you can't clean him; it's a pure lack of faith.'

If I didn't care so much for him, I could have laughed out loud. As it was, I stifled a chuckle. And Creed Allen- that boy could find mischief to do in whatever he put his hands to. I cried out of desperation trying to figure out how to get him to behave more than once.

Every child touched my heart, but Mountie O' Teale was very special to me. While touching the button I had taken off my coat and sewn on hers, she said her very first word for me, 'Button.' She didn't know it yet, but I finally felt like I belonged just because of that one act of love she showed me just by being herself. I always had a feeling that it wouldn't be easy to stay here; I would feel out of place and homesick most of the time, but at that moment, I saw a future open up in front of me. From then on, I was determined to stay, even though I had to struggle to show these people that they could trust me.

Which brings me to Doctor MacNeill. That man can rile me so easily with his hard heart, but I knew he cared and loved the children so much more than me. The thought that he cared and all he chose to do was mend their bodily injuries made me so furious I wanted to.. I wanted. I wanted him to stop being so mysterious and far off. He was in a world all by himself, and I felt sadness for him too, wondering what had happened that made him that way. I had observed his interactions with Miss Alice enough to know that something personal had happened between them to shake her usual loving, Quaker self. I couldn't ask her about him, so I had to find a way to ask him myself. An occasion for me to do that came quicker than I expected.

As the time passed, my mind kept returning to the day I arrived in Cutter Gap like a record player playing the same song over and over. I couldn't get that long walk out of my head, and the first time I met the Doctor. Ault Allen had been shot, and he was brought to the Spencer's cabin for some reason unknown to me. The Doctor asked me to assist him by putting a cloth soaked in ether over Ault's mouth to keep him from feeling any pain, but I had fainted instead. I imagined Doctor MacNeill was under the impression that I was.. I was.. weak and naive like a child because of that one incident. I wished there was some way I could redeem myself from the embarrassment of that moment. but thought he would never ask for my assistance again. It was a sore disappointment (one among many) to me. I _had_ taken a few nursing courses and even trained a bit before deciding to become a teacher here instead! I was in the middle of gathering my courage to speak my mind to Doctor MacNeill before he was brought to the mission house because of trouble instead.

******

"Alice!" The Doctor's voice rang through the house, but it was only my answer he received, "Miss Alice is in Cataleechie for the week. No matter what you might think, I have taken some classes and received some nursing training. I know I am no Alice Henderson, but I can be useful to you when she isn't here!"

"Alright, cut the useless chatter then. I was ready to ask you for help before you took a crack at my head with that long-winded sentence. We don't have much time to lose. They're bringing the men over here, so find as much table and floor space as you can and clear it off. I'll need plenty of water and towels as well. Maybe this time you'll show that you're made of something yet." So he did remember. We were in a crisis and all I could think of was what Doctor MacNeill was thinking of me. I hurried to do as he asked before asking any questions. I would know what had happened soon enough.

The men came, and chaos entered with them. At least 3 men had been shot, including Bird's Eye Taylor, known that way on account of how he could shoot the target of a Bird's Eye. At first I thought there was feuding, but Jeb Spencer was shot as well and I didn't think he was a part of the feud between the Allens and the Taylors.

"Christy, I expect you know how to handle medical instruments to help me get a bullet out. We'll have to work fast and Mr. Grantland, you'll need to hold the other men down. They seem to be fighting over something." I handed him the scalpel in response and pressed soaked towels over the rest of the wound. Bird's Eye's wound seemed the deepest. Blood was coming out faster than a river. I almost wished I wasn't a Christian. Otherwise it wouldn't have been a natural instinct to be compassionate to Mr. Taylor. Neil had no qualms about it, but he had no faith either. He was only assessing the damage logically, as a good physician would do. I realized as I busied myself obeying his instructions during the surgeries that I could learn about MacNeill more easily by working with him in the future than arguing with him. I couldn't let my mind stray any farther, so I concentrated on his hands rather than his face.

"How will we find out what happened to them? It wasn't simply feuding, was it?" All of the surgeries went well and Neil was able to take every bullet out, but Jeb and Bird's Eye were still very weak. I didn't understand why Bob Allen was involved at all.

"No, it wasn't just that Christy." I sat down on a chair on the front porch where Neil was leaning against the railing.

"What was it then?"

"Have you notice Lundy around Jeb lately?" I nodded. "The Spencers have been trying to take care of him now that Bird's Eye doesn't even look at him."

"And Bird's Eye found out?"

"Aye."

"What is it with the pride of these men. It would be enough to feed their children's bellies." It was difficult to bear the suffering of children to whom I had begun to feel almost like- dare I say it-their mother. I had only been here 60 days, I know, but my heart swelled with love and compassion for them. Every day I felt my own limitations when I couldn't give them what they needed. And when something like this happened, it hit even closer to home. "How is Fairlight?"

"Worried sick about her husband, but you know her, she'll pull through just like Jeb will." Neil seemed so certain about everything. He winked knowingly at me.

"Yes, I do. She's been a wonderful friend to me when I need her, and even more wonderful when I don't.." My eyes raised in surprise. I could hear footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Is that so, Christy? You're not too bad yaself. I'm beholden to ya for helpin' the Doc take care of Jeb." I looked down at my folded hands in my lap.

"I can't ever repay the kindness you showed me of becoming my first real friend here, Fairlight. Why are you so happy?"

"I figure that since my Jeb just woke up and asked to trade for a kiss, that he would be alright." Neil stood up fast.

"Why didn't you tell me? How am I supposed to do my job with all this chattering?"

I must've looked hurt while I watched him go upstairs because Fairlight put an arm around my shoulder.

"And men call us the emotionally fragile ones." That knowing twinkle in her eye made me giggle in delight. I don't know what I would do without Fairlight's friendship.

"What? I know you want to ask me something, so spit it out?" I couldn't wait to hear it.

"Neil MacNeill does have a fine temper, but he also has caring hands. I bet you know that is all." She had a way of saying something with great discretion without really saying it that reminded me of Miss Alice. My mouth must've been gaping, and my eyes wide open. Was she there with us while we were operating, or had she known long before? I stuttered, "I, I don't know what you're talking about. I barely know him."

"Barely? You know him enough to argue with him, get him to help you teach science lessons, and you've done surgery with him-something only Miss Alice has done in only the worst emergencies. I have known him all my life, and I know that _you_," she reached up to hold my chin gently and made sure I faced her directly, "have a special way with him that no one else has."

"Is that so?" I was startled more than anything, and I don't know why I found myself saying, "But he isn't a believer."

"I 'ave a feeling his heart will soften with the help of your gentle hands." I blushed and pulled away slightly.

"How do you know?"

"I seen it Christy, just like I saw that you was comin' here to teach." I didn't know what else to do except reach out and hug her. I was fortunate that it was after that conversation that Neil walked in on us, perhaps assuming that I was the one comforting her. It was just as well. I didn't want him to see the blush spreading on my cheeks.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Neil cleared his throat softy, and I knew then it was alright to pull away from Fairlight. I noticed her finger wipe a tear from her eye and was glad that I wasn't the only one affected so much by our friendship. "So, whaddaya say, Doc?"

"He'll be as right as rain, but I want to keep him here for observation for tonight yet. You can take him home in the morning. That way, you'll be able to rest some too." He noticed her tears like I did. It seemed there was nothing that he missed. She smiled weakly, patted my shoulder one more time and went upstairs. I imagined she wouldn't need anything to sleep on- she would naturally lay beside Jeb.

"Christy, you might want to rest as well, you were a big help to me during the surgeries, but they must have taken some energy out of you."

Instead of being argumentative like I usually was around him, I complied, 'on one condition Doctor."

"And what would that be?"

"We talk about me continuing to help you in your medical services."

"Alright, I suppose Grantland could substitute for you for a few occasions, but how much school are you willing to miss? I thought you loved being a teacher."

I hadn't thought of that yet, and started a conversation before I knew my own mind. "One day a week when necessary. I feel helpless as their teacher Dr. MacNeill, they won't let me give them anything they haven't earned. I know they always pay you in their own way, but this way I know I'll have done something to change their lives, help keep them alive if I can't give them a healthy diet. And maybe this way, I'll eventually be able to start some hygiene classes. They'll respect me more as a nurse. I've seen the way they look at you Neil, they admire you." As soon as the words left my mouth, I wished I hadn't said his first name out loud. I had never done that before, and I hoped he could forgive that one slip of the tongue. He hadn't given me permission to use it either. And I couldn't believe that I said I thought Neil's work was as just as good as mine or better, but as soon as I heard myself saying that, I knew I was right. I was jealous of his deep relationship with the children, but he still couldn't give himself in love to them completely. Part of it was love, and the other part was the power he had that could heal their bodies, but not their sprits.

"Well said Christy. How much air did it take to say that much?" He always teased when he didn't know what else to say, but instead of making me laugh, his remarks usually left me frustrated with him. This time I could see a difference in his eyes, and I knew it was friendly, even though I didn't know what it really meant.

**

Miss Alice came back a little later than was expected. "David, where is Christy? She won't be out in the middle of the night will she? What could she be doing at this hour?"

"She's out with Dr. MacNeill. They are delivering Lily's baby at the Coburn cabin."

"Oh. Well, I suppose she will be needed to help Neil with the midwifing." Alice was still bewildered.

"It's more than that Alice. When you were gone, three men got shot including Bird's Eye and Jeb. Only Christy was there to assist Dr. MacNeil in the operations." David explained, looking bewildered himself, looking like he wanted to say more, but didn't know if he should, or if he understood what had actually happened.

Alice wiped her forehead with her arm before resting it on the against the front door frame.

"Oh my, she's been through something hasn't she?"

"And I wasn't there. I was fishing down the river trying to find some quiet in my mind." Alice saw his guilt-drawn face and reached out to touch his arm gently. "I wasn't there either, when Christy needed us most, we weren't there."

Alice walked through the kitchen door opening and sat herself down on the closest chair she could find. She was exhausted, but David was right- she hadn't been there. She decided to wait up for Christy, so she didn't walk to her bedroom. Her tired eyes gradually closed and relaxed into a comfortable position. David stepped as quietly around her to find his own bed.

I came home, I mean home to the mission early in the morning, when dawn was just breaking. We delivered the child with no medical complications, but still for a labor, it was arduous work both for the mother and for us. There were however some social complications. Since Miss Alice had always done the midwifing and Neil was only there when a problem presented itself, I found myself the one helping along the labor. Fortunately, Fairlight had known the news that the Coburns- whom I had just been introduced myself- were going to have a child very soon and was already there when we arrived. Neil wasn't allowed in the room just like any man, so I was terribly grateful that Fairlight was with me. Doc Neil had given me a run down of what to expect and what to do while we were sitting on his horse, galloping towards them. I was absolutely terrified during the ride until our arrival because I thought I would be doing it by myself. I had only just begun to help Neil in surgery a few days ago due to the absence of Alice and now I found myself almost regretting that I had blurted out my 'medical' experience. It was worth all of that terror and anxiety watching a baby be born. My little brother was born when I was six, but the only thing I had witnessed were the screams of my mother and all of a sudden I was allowed to see my baby brother. At that age I wasn't even capable of understanding the birds and the bees, and couldn't figure out where my baby brother even came from. That sort of discussion was frowned on by my mother, so I found the answers in medical textbooks when I did my medical training. I was also partly glad that Neil wasn't allowed in the room until after the birth, because I felt a strange sensation and burst of happiness whenever he was close. I don't know how I would have been able to concentrate otherwise. Oh, and Fairlight, bless her heart. She knew just what to do and I felt like I wasn't needed, but she asked me to stay. "Ain't nothin' like watchin a baby bein' born Miss Christy. 'Sides, if you are helping the Doc like he says, you'll need to know this so you can do it next time. I won't always be here." With a wink she then started giving me even more details about what was happening than Neil had.

It was a beautiful girl. As hard as it was hearing the mother scream and trying to comfort her with soaked towels and some cold water down her throat at times, time seemed to stop or pass by quickly, we were so focused. And then the moment came that another scream pierced the air, filled with anguish and longing already. Fairlight held the baby and let me cut the umbilical cord, another strange sensation. She passed the baby on to me, making sure I held it right and I thought of my baby doll that I would hold when I was little. I felt the most gratitude I had ever felt that I could be the first to show the baby to it's mother. Mrs. Coburn looked doe eyed at her and I knew that she had fallen in love with her in an instant. I felt in love too, just watching them. It was the best thing I had ever experienced in life, and for a moment, I felt I belonged in the cove. I shared a look of awe with Fairlight before we crept out of the room, letting them have a moment alone. I looked at Neil, and he smiled at me a strange smile- a smile that I hadn't seen on him before, and I didn't know what to think of it. I hadn't realized that it was already dark, but I was grateful for a bench to lay on for the night. I hadn't seen Neil in this gentle way, his caring hands finding a blanket and removing a scarf from around his neck so I could have a pillow. But I was too tired to wonder about it until later. As soon as I laid down my head, I fell into a deep sleep.

On the way home, I could tell that something had changed with Neil. There were no longer too many awkward pauses or us talking over each other after the first few minutes. I felt strangely comfortable with my arms wrapped around him- only for the purpose of safety, seeing as we were sharing a horse- but before I had felt like an intruder into his life, especially in conversations that always seemed to end up in arguments and it had been nothing more than a professional relationship. Which it still was, of course, but something was certainly different that I couldn't put my finger on. I was still exhausted even though I had slept some the night before. I had fallen asleep right away, but I was not sleeping on a bed. I was grateful that yesterday was Friday, meaning that I would be able to get some more sleep.

Neil helped me down from the horse and before I knew it, I blurted out, "Would you like to eat something with me before you go?"

"I have a few things I need to do before I rest Christy, but thank you for the offer. I'll have to take you up on it sometime soon. I'll see you soon I expect, get some rest." And then he went, his horse- the name I still can't remember- galloping away. In a way, I was relieved that he didn't come inside. I had slowly become aware of my disheveled state and out of habit, I was embarrassed at how I looked even though he was no better.

"Christy!" I heard Miss Alice's voice coming closer from the kitchen, and I wondered why she looked so tired, but so excited to see me.

"The Coburns had a beautiful, healthy girl Alice. What a wonder."

"Did thee handle the labor by thyself?"

"No, thank goodness. Fairlight was there." She hugged me tight, and I stayed in her embrace for a few minutes before saying, "Alice, can we talk about this later? I think we both need some sleep."

"Thee is turning into a very wise young woman Christy." She smiled and waved me off to bed.

I was home.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Alice had seen the look in Christy's eyes. She was tired yes, but there was something different in her eyes than the last time she had seen her, which she realized had been too long however short her time in Cataleechie had been. Christy was still sleeping, so she would have to wait before she talked to her about Neil. It had been a while since she paid Neil a visit, and she did have a free afternoon. She saddled Prince and let him stroll along the trail, picking at grass here and there for a bit so she could think about what she needed to say. If she was wrong, this visit would surely make the rift between her and her former son-in-law even wider. She was willing to take the chance, for Christy.

As she got closer, Alice could hear a strain of a symphony playing on Neil's record player. She knew he would be down by the river fly fishing when she got there. Maybe it was a good thing she came right now if Neil was pensive too. Before she could introduce herself, Neil called out, "Hello Alice. What brings you here? Have you come to pay a social call?"

"Why not? Perhaps I'd like to know how Christy and David did while I was in Cataleechie."

"Why don't you ask them then?"

"Thee knows as well I as I do Neil. What conditions have changed that might bring me here?"

"Alice, I wouldn't have let her assist me if she didn't have any experience. She did quite well, and I'm impressed."

"I understand. Thee does not object to her involvement? Thee is not the same Neil I used to know then."

"I've moved on. I have to. Margaret is gone, so I have to go on with my life."

"With Christy?" Neil stopped midswing, so the line never hit the water.

"Don't think I haven't noticed a difference in her."

"We have done nothing Alice. She doesn't even know.."

"She doesn't even know that thee has developed feelings for her? It is difficult to not notice the similarities between her and Margaret."

"Only on the surface. She is more than Margaret ever was."

"I am here to protect her Neil. She doesn't need this, when she's only just begun her work here."

"But it is alright if the preacher courts her? He doesn't know her worth."

"I'm warning thee Neil. If thee begins a relationship with her, thee needs to tell her everything. And what about her faith? I thought you had lost yours?" Her voice was trembling, she was trying so hard to control her emotions.

"Maybe watching Christy has helped me gain some of it back. Did you ever think of that?" Neil smiled at Alice in a way that made her wonder what really had happened between Neil and Christy. She was right about them, but she hadn't foreseen this change in Neil. She looked away.

"I expect she'll be awake enough to go to church in the morning. Thee is invited to come, Neil."

"Is that a challenge?"

"It is a condition Neil. I know Christy just as well as thee does. She won't let thee in her life in a personal way if thee doesn't share her faith."

"Well then, I'll see you and God in the morning. The light is slipping away. Have a good evening Alice."

"I hope the fish doesn't get away Neil. You just have to change your posture a bit to catch it." Alice couldn't resist one last dig. Unless they were working together, she always seemed to be on her worst behavior when he was around. But she sincerely hoped that he was thinking about becoming a Christian, and if it took Christy for him to finally see the light, then perhaps God did have a special plan for him. She grimaced as she heard Christy's words in her head. She needed to talk things over with Christy as soon as she woke up. She had a hundred questions in her head.

When I woke up, the sun was shining brightly and I remembered what had happened the night before. I heard a knock on the door, "Christy, I don't mean to disturb thee, but I hoped we would have some time to talk?" I could hear the curiosity in her voice. "I'm awake Alice. I'll be down in a minute. Is there anything leftover from lunch?" I figured that I slept passed noon at least. "Yes Christy. We saved a dish for thee."

"I'll meet you downstairs after I get dressed then."

"Alright. I'll be waiting."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Was there something specific you wanted to talk about?" Alice had chattered away about Cataleechie while I ate. Now I was holding a mug of tea, and noticed it was getting cold. I was curious why she seemed so anxious to ask me something, and yet she was being very polite, almost gentle in her manner. I hoped it wasn't anything too serious.

"I am forgetting myself, aren't I? I asked thee to talk and here I am chattering away about myself." She reached nervously to pat the side of her head and put an imaginary strand of hair into place.

"I didn't mean that I don't enjoy hearing you talk Miss Alice, but I think you want to ask me something. Perhaps about the turn of events since you've been gone?" I was a bot embarrassed myself at being so direct, but I had begun to be accustomed to the mountain people's blunt manner of speaking. Besides that, I could hardly contain my desire to tell her all that had transpired. But maybe she knew something about that already. She must have already talked to David and Ida at least, and I imagined that Ruby Mae would have especially told her almost everything she could.

"Yes Christy, I would like to ask you something of a personal nature. How is thee feeling after assisting Dr. MacNeil in so many surgeries and visits around the cove?"

So she knew about everything just as I'd thought. She was being kind checking in on me, and she was very sincere whenever she asked me how I was doing, but I had known Alice enough by now that she was also a very smart and clever woman in order to gain the love and loyalty of the people in the cove. "It was shocking at first, but I managed to get over it in time to help where I was needed. It seems like I was lucky to help at all, Dr. MacNeil having a certain skepticism of highlanders as well. I can't believe I didn't remember earlier than the emergency that I have had medical experience already. I feel like I've been holding out on you."

Had I given the right answer? Sometimes the wisdom of Miss Alice made me quiver like a child, and I generally felt weak and vulnerable in her presence, perhaps because I trusted her with everything. "Your first day here did indicate the contrary to Dr. MacNeil, Christy, however, you had been hiking on rough terrain for the last 6 hours. I'm sure your fainting spell is a direct result of your lack of breath rather than your lack of skill." She gave me an approving smile. "I sense you have a desire to continue helping in the medical aspect of the mission. I only hired thee for teaching, so it is up to thee only whether or not thee will continue. We will make an adjustment to the school calendar however, if you do continue."

"I would like to continue Miss Alice. It helps my pain in wondering whether I have improved on the children's lives. I can only do so much as a teacher. Because they insist on earning anything else I can give them, I can not give them much."

Alice was satisfied. With what I did not know. She relaxed her posture in the chair and glanced out the window.

"Is thee having trouble communicating with Dr. MacNeil? He is known to be quite stubborn." Is that what she originally wanted to ask me? She seemed quite protective, like she did not like seeing me be hurt by him.

I hesitated. Should I ask her why he was alone? Anyone could see that he was the most eligible and handsome man in the area. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and realized that I was starting into my cold cup of tea. "I'm fine. Sometimes I have to remind him that I am not a real nurse. He can rush into things without explaining anything. It will take time to get used to it, but I think we'll be fine." I quickly shut my mouth. I had said more than I wanted to say already. I hadn't let myself think too much about the Doctor as an eligible bachelor, or so I thought. Today I had dreamt that Neil and I were walking along the river, skipping stones and talking about wildlife. I blinked myself back to the present. "I think I'm still waking up from a dead sleep, Miss Alice. If that's all, I think I would like to talk a walk before it gets dark."

She nodded. She had collected my plate without me noticing. "Don't go too far. And make sure thee talks to David before you go. He is annoyed at himself for not being here while you helped the doctor operate on Jeb and the others. It would be good if he had reassurance that he did nothing wrong."

"I will. Thank you Miss Alice." She patted my arm in response.

After a word with David, I did get in a walk, and I was grateful for it. He had seemed worried and concerned for me like Alice had said. Nevertheless, I soon learned of his opinion about my medical efforts. I was insulted at how quickly he turned from concern to the cultural roles of our shared "city" background. He not only objected to my assistance, but he also objected to the idea that both Neil and I were single persons of opposite sexes and in need of a chaperone. How could he insist on obeying such rules that were unnecessary here, especially because we were always in the presence of a patient? I had thought that David was more understanding and open, while Neil was so contrary and arrogant. Now I saw that I was wrong to assume. I walked fast, letting the wind wipe away my tears.

****

David had underestimated my reaction to his objection. I made it a habit of avoiding him as much as I could, and did limited the emotion I revealed to him when I could not ignore him. He was a fine preacher on Sundays, but I saw an inconsistency with his actions during the rest of the week. It seemed that my faith was growing much more than his, because he spent more time doubting the faith of the people he ministered to than developing his own.

On the other hand, I was constantly surprised by Neil's thoughtfulness and consideration of others. The whole cove was startled when he began to attend church regularly. I hoped that I would soon have the courage to ask him if he had changed his mind about God. However kind he was turning out to be the more I got to know him, he was still as mysterious as ever. The more I was with him, the more I felt needed, but I never understood where his need for my presence came from. He always seemed so sad, and I knew there was more to it than the suffering of his patients. He had experienced a tragedy of his own, and I knew that was the key to understanding his hostility to the world. Could that be the reason why he lived alone?

It wasn't too long before I had the opportunity. I was worried that Becky O'Teale was missing so much school, and I couldn't help but wonder why. One day I stayed in the schoolhouse after all the children had gone home, and I heard a noise beneath the floor. Thinking it was the pigs again, I stomped to make them stop. I heard a voice plead, "please stop Teacher," so I opened the trap door only to find Becky there. It took a lot of cajoling for me to help her out; she kept shielding her eyes from the light. I knew that my only hope was to take her to Dr. MacNeil.

He was very concerned for us when we arrived. A storm came upon us while we were riding, but I couldn't turn back. Time was of the essence. He immediately mentioned an option, although he was quick to discuss the risks. He had never done it before; he would be experimenting. My voice seemed so loud, it startled me, "But if you don't do it, her eyesight will only get worse. There's nothing to lose, Neil." I couldn't understand why he hesitated so much. His eyes had been staring at the floor for what seemed like hours. Suddenly, he jerked his head up and looked at me with determination. He began to explain the affects of the operation to Becky, "I will have to keep bandages on your eyes for a few days, but only so your eyes can adjust."

"Will it hurt? I'm scared." All the children looked up to Neil like a hero, and they saw him as their older friend who looked out for them. It warmed my heart to think that Becky could take this giant into confidence. He had turned into a gentle giant right before my eyes.

I stepped into the conversation, "Only a little. Here. Hold my hand, and squeeze tight whenever it hurts as much as you can. The pain will be gone before you know it." Neil turned around for a moment while he was preparing his instruments and gave me a reassuring look. I had said the right thing.

When the operation was finished, it was still too stormy to go back to the mission. I regretted that I had not told anyone where I was going, or that Becky O' Teale was with me. I could only hope that they would assume that I had found shelter. I found myself grateful for some time to spend with Neil.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Becky couldn't sleep because of the thunder and lightning, so Neil told her a love story. I was shocked at first. I knew that he loved the children- he had known the children since they were born. But stories- I never pegged him as the romantic type. Then I realized that the romantic story had a melancholy ending. Silkie was the thunder, searching for his long lost love. "Silkie has to find her. He loves her," Becky protested to the end of Neil's story just as she was falling asleep. "Goodnight." Neil's voice suddenly sounded so gentle. I felt a hand touch on my shoulder. I looked up to find Neil bending close to my head. He kissed my forehead. "You should get some sleep too. It's been a long day. Thank you for believing in me today." He spoke so low I could hardly hear him, it was like he was looking through me and seeing someone else. "Any time. How long has it been since someone's believed in you Neil?" I shouldn't have asked him, but it was too late. I had opened my mouth.

"I don't remember how long it's been since someone has believed in me Christy, but the last time someone loved me, she died of tuberculosis. I couldn't save my wife, but maybe I can save Becky's sight." He was uncharacteristically open and honest. I had glimpsed this Neil from time to time, and now I had a glimpse of why his heart was so closed off and angry. He turned to leave. "Neil- thank you for doing this. I know I can be dramatic sometimes, but I am not a fool. I know how much energy and strength it took for you to try this. Even if it doesn't work out, don't stop trying." I wanted him to know how grateful I was.

"I never thought you were a fool, Christy. You are a mother bear protecting her cubs." He winked and smiled a genuinely appreciative smile before leaving the room. He had been the gentleman and gave his bed to Becky and I, so he would be sleeping in a chair in front of the fire. I realized that there were times when he wasn't seeing someone else when he was looking at me, but he was really seeing me. I had my suspicions that for some reason, I not only reminded him of his wife, but I reminded Miss Alice of someone too. I couldn't tell yet if they were somehow related. I made a mental note to watch Alice and Neil while they interacted with each other. From previous encounters, I had noticed a bit of tension between them until Neil started coming to church. She didn't seem as surprised as the rest of us that first time; she seemed happy. I remembered that Neil had nodded pointedly in greeting to Alice and she smiled discreetly back. I fell asleep wondering what had happened between them, and how Neil's wife could have had such a hold on his heart to keep him in a deep sadness so long after her death.

Morning came and we discussed where Becky was going to stay while her eyes healed. The two options were to stay at Neil's or the mission house. We were interrupted by a knock at the door. "Doctor MacNeil, open up. Christy's missing." The door swung open and found Miss Alice staring open mouthed and wide eyed at Neil and I. David poked his head in as well, most likely confused that Miss Alice had stopped talking.

"Well, David, it looks like Christy's been safe all along." She continued to look at me while she spoke. "Why didn't thee let us know where thee were going? Thee could have gotten caught in the storm. We encountered the aftermath all the way here." I knew she was genuinely concerned for me, but it felt like she was reprimanding my 'childish' behavior. Why did it seem that she only had that voice when it came to me? "I found Becky under the schoolhouse hiding her eyes from the light. She has trachoma. I know we didn't have the right to decide, but time was wasting and she would have lost her sight completely if Neil hadn't operated." Why did I all of the sudden feel like I had to explain myself? I had done the right thing, hadn't I? I had even made sure to ask Becky. Alice turned to look at Neil, "How did the surgery go, Neil? Is Becky alright?"

"Becky is fine, but she has bandages over her eyes so that they can heal within 48 hours. The final test will be when we take off the bandages. Alice, if the O'teales or anyone else blame Christy, it's not her fault. She took Becky to me because she didn't know what she could do and she thought I could help."

"It's alright Neil, Christy. I believe your decision to help Becky won't be paid much attention because of the storm's aftermath, and you did the right thing."

"Someone will need to stay with her here while we assess the damage. I'll need Christy to help assist me." Neil was very adamant that my company was necessary.

"I'll have Mrs. O'teale and Fairlight come by on my way around the cove so she won't be alone. Meanwhile, David, please stay until they come." I could tell David disliked the idea, but he didn't grumble.

We traveled from cabin to cabin all over the cove. Luckily no one was fatally injured. There were a few broken bones and sprains, but no operations were necessary, only splints. It was quite a relief to know that not all medical emergencies were not life threatening. Neil mentioned that simple injuries gave him his best days.

"I thought you were a pessimist, Dr. MacNeil," I pressed for more insight into his character.

"I am only a pessimist if the world is always good Miss Huddleston. I am an optimist if I know there is something that I can do to help in a broken world."

"Well said. Now comes the hard work of rebuilding the soul Dr. MacNeil. Perhaps you would do better to listen to some of your own advice. Just like a body, the soul can mend. Miss Huddleston, shall we return the mission house? We've done enough rebuilding for one day." Miss Alice must have heard the end of our conversation. I looked back and forth between her and Neil; it appeared to be a friendly remark, and I also knew that Neil would only accept a personal remark like that from someone he trusted. I was confused. For the longest time, I thought they were enemies- but now, they seemed almost as close as family. I found Prince and jumped in the saddle in response and smiled at Neil. "I trust you find some rest as well, Dr. MacNeil." Until I knew more about their relationship, I would feel uncomfortable using Neil's first name in front of Miss Alice. We turned to leave the Allen cabin. We rode home in silence.

During the two weeks that followed, we lent a hand to anyone who needed help rebuilding or repairing their cabin. It was an easy decision to close the school until home-life returned back to normal. I was glad to have another opportunity to form more relationships with the adults. Now I could see them interacting more with their children and understand how the children were being raised. And there was something different about David. He was so focused on his work- measuring logs, cutting them and positioning them in just the right places along with the rest of the men. The David I knew would not have seen any connection between mending souls and assisting his help as a carpenter, but he offered his expertise with a passion I had never seen in him before. I watched him with people; he helped entertain the children and he offered a gentle, comforted touch to the women and joked along with the men. I watched him as he worked, and he looked happier than he'd ever been. One day, while I was on hydration duty, I had an interesting conversation with him. He looked like he could use some water, so I went over to him and he straightened up from sawing and dipped the ladle into the water. He said to me, "It seems so strange that I feel more satisfied with myself when I am doing this instead of writing a sermon that I know they won't listen to. They seem more receptive when we are doing something together."

"That's quite an inside David. I've been thinking along the same lines myself. It is certainly a welcome change to our daily routine."

"Even though it came from a storm?"

"Yes. God brings the best out of people when we truly need each other."

"I thought I was supposed to be the preacher, Miss Huddleston. Maybe we should trade places sometime." He smiled at me. A jest and a compliment. Or was he giving me a serious offer?"

"I suppose it's only fair- you have to substitute for me every now and then anyways."

"That is true. And I don't mean to be where I don't belong, but it seems like a certain doctor would only be happy to lend an ear to your sweet voice."

"As much as anyone else would. What happened to your qualms about Dr. MacNeil and I working in such close quarters unchaperoned? I thought you were against any kind of role reversal?" He must have forgotten our earlier conversation that upset me so. Well I hadn't and I wasn't about to let him either.

"I uh.. perhaps I was a little too meticulous in my attitude. It made me look callous and arrogant. I suppose the only right thing to do is apologize for my remark. It was uncalled for."

"Thank you Mr. Grantland, I do accept. Perhaps I should do a more informal sermon outside. Maybe a blessing when the cabins are built?"

"Good idea. Just make sure Dr. Ferrand is not aware of this umm. experiment. He would not allow anyone to be the preacher except the preacher. But Christy, sometimes I think you would be a better preacher than I would." That was the nicest thing he'd ever said to me, and I believed him.

"Why's that?" I believed him, but I was still bewildered. I didn't know anything about being a preacher.

"The main goal of a preacher is to reveal God's love, and Christy, you naturally care for anyone you meet as naturally as you breathe. I on the other hand, have a temper that can get the best of me, and my head is ahead of my heart in matters of theology."

"But David, not many would come to a 'backwards' and poor mountain people to teach them about God. Every person needs something to make them grow and challenge them. Maybe you needed to be put in an uncomfortable place to learn what you've learned already." I shivered. It was starting to get a little cold.

"Well, I should get back to work before word goes around that I'm a sissy." He winked at me and gave me back the ladle. "We'll continue this conversation later. Perhaps a walk around the lake sometime?" He looked hopeful. I think his comment about Neil was only to let me know that he understood I would gladly be his friend but nothing more. I went back to the mission. Perhaps Ida would be in and let me help her make dinner.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"We are all gathered here today to remember this day as a special day, a day that allows us to be thankful for what we have in each other. A storm has come and gone and damaged the places where we lived, felt safe in, and cared for one another. But we have rebuilt those physical places- your cabins. Now let us rebuild those places in our hearts and be thankful that our loved ones are still near to us. Miss Huddleston, could you say a few words of blessing, then we'll sing 'For the beauty of the earth' and then we'll eat."

I stepped closer to David's spot in the front of the gathering, and paused a moment to look at everyone's faces. They were bright and happy. I watched them while David spoke, and they had listened to every word, looked from each other back to David whenever he referenced the familial relationships of the Cove.

"When I was browsing through some of the different hymn books that we have, I came across a song that I think fits this occasion. Since I'm not a very good singer, I'll just read it.:

'For the fruit of all creation, thanks be to God. For the plowing, sowing, reaping, silent growth while we are sleeping, future needs in earth's safe-keeping, thanks be to God. In the just reward of labor, God's will is done. In the help we give our neighbor, God's will is done. In our task of caring for the hungry and despairing, in the harvests we are sharing, God's will is done. For the good we all inherit, thanks be to God. For the wonders that astound us, for the truths that still confound us, most of all, that love has found us, thanks be to God.'

We have watched you love for one another by rebuilding each other's homes, and we thank you for the love which you have shown us as well, me especially."

I wanted to say more, but I felt like I had already said too much already. I knew enough to remember that these people were used to a hard life, and not too many warm and fuzzy compliments. Even this blessing of a new beginning was just an excuse to get them food to eat that they wouldn't think was charity. I glanced over at Fairlight before sitting down in my seat with a full plate in hand. She smiled and nodded towards Neil. He seemed more pensive and quiet than usual. I made a mental note to make sure and talk to him before he left later.

"Miss Huddleston, thank thee for thy blessing, they were wise words indeed." Miss Alice interrupted my thoughts. I felt like I hadn't talked to her in weeks. It was good that I was sitting next to her.

"Thank you Alice. I know that I came here to teach, but every day I realize that I am also here to learn."

"And I find it an interesting experiment for the preacher and teacher to trade jobs for a day." She saw my surprised look. "Yes, Christy, David did mention it to me in passing. We have all been busy with the rebuilding, it has been difficult to find a time to talk with thee."

"Yes it has Miss Alice. I hope we have a little time to rest after this. How have you been?"

"Oh, just fine. Nature does have a way of taking its course, whether we want it to or not. It hasn't changed much in the last 20 years of my ministry I'm afraid." She paused to take a bite. "But I am impressed with thee, Christy. Thee has risen to the challenge quite well and adjusted quickly. You are doing well here." She gave me a wink. It was unusual for Alice to hand out compliments; I was flattered. "Thank you Alice," was all I could manage in reply.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Thanksgiving was fast approaching, giving us all a reason to celebrate. It helped to put a few arduous weeks of rebuilding into perspective. Everyone in the cove seemed to move on like the storm was a regular event that must be weathered. I imagined that more pain would have been expressed after some lost their whole cabins. It was more likely that they just didn't express anything so deep around me, a person still new to the kind of hardships they went through in everyday life. In my own way, I tried to draw them out of that unhappiness and give them a reason to look forward to Thanksgiving. Something Neil said in his lessons to them about their Scottish heritage inspired me to have them each find a person that was a part of the Thanksgiving narrative that they could relate to and tell their story. I think it helped them understand that they were a part of something much bigger than their cove in the world. I wanted them to know that they didn't always live here, but I had learned to understand that the beauty of these mountains was enthralling, and I couldn't help but wonder if that was the only reason why their ancestors would want to settle here. The land changes a person, their language and culture. But as much as it could have changed their ancestors, I realized they probably came here because it reminded them of home.

"Miss Alice, Miss Alice! Telephone!" Ruby Mae just wanted a chance to yell. If I could sing, I would teach her how to put that voice to good use, but sadly, I could not. "What is it, Ruby Mae?" Miss Alice had been in the kitchen, and had heard her very clearly. I tried to hide my snicker. It seemed Ruby Mae's yelling irritated the good woman as well. "The telephone all the way from Kentucky. Who do you know in Kentucky?" Ruby Mae was as curious as she was surprised.

"Contrary to popular belief, I didn't always live here, so I have my own connections." Miss Alice was attempting to put on her usual calm demeanor, but it didn't last long. I could tell she was excited.

"Hello. This is Alice Henderson."

"Well, never in my life. Mrs. Scott! It's been a long time, but I'd know your voice anywhere. May I ask what the occasion is?" She started nervously moving her hand around her hair as if to make it look better. I'd never seen Alice so nervous. Who ever could that be? "Oh? Is anything wrong? No, I guess I just wondered why it's taken so long to even find an occasion to call me. Well it is a momentous birthday indeed." Pause.

I felt too curious not to watch Alice on the telephone. Besides, I didn't know what telephone manners might include in Cutter Gap since this was the first telephone ever to be installed. During the rebuilding, Mr. Pentland had hauled all of the materials to the mission and David and Jeb built the telephone line. I saw Neil waiting on the front porch, but was unsure of who he was waiting for. He and David had started fishing together.

"It would mean a lot to me too of course. I'd have to arrange some things first so that the mission is taken care of, but I'd be honored to come. Thank thee, I've been anticipating a reunion for so long, I can't believe it's finally alright. Ok. Good bye now." There was a lot to that conversation that begged explaining, but I would wait until Alice was ready.

"Christy, would you like to talk a walk with me?" And Neil, Neil looked more handsome to me every day. In the beginning, he had had made it very clear that he was an atheist, that he didn't need to believe in a God who was all-powerful if he let innocent people suffer from illness or violence, or even natural disasters. I could see that his mind was changing. He started praying before surgery. He never prayed out loud, nor did he ever tell me that he was praying, but somehow, he managed to hold my hand and squeeze it. I could hear him whisper, "amen," even though it was so soft that I wouldn't hear it if I hadn't been paying so close attention. We had started holding hands even when we weren't operating, and I knew it had romantic significance, but we hadn't talked about our feelings for each other yet. I didn't want to be the first one to express feelings only to be mortified by his easy dismissal. I felt so strange in this place we were in- close to him, yet still on the outside. "Christy?"

"Uh, yes Neil. I would love to. Let me tell Miss Alice that we are going first, though." He nodded. He seemed nervous.

"Thee may go Christy. Enjoy the sun while it lasts." I hadn't realized that Miss Alice was still in the entry room. We started walking. When we reached past eyesight of the mission house, Neil reached to hold my hand. I had been waiting for some time alone with him. I don't know how long I could go and not know what our hand-holding meant. Hopefully my questions wouldn't be too obvious. I tend to be more blunt than I need to be sometimes.

"So, are we just walking nonchalantly, or do we have a place where we are going?" Usually Neil had a goal in mind.

"You'll see." He looked at me with enjoyment. "Christy, you are too curious for your own good. Did you know that curiosity killed the cat?" it

"But knowledge brought it back."

"I should have known the teacher would know that. I didn't learn the end of that phrase."

"Most people don't know it Neil. You're not the only one, so don't worry. Your education is still intacked." I turned my head so I could smile at him. He was looking at a wildflower.

"Did you know that you can tell how many times a flower blooms every year just by counting their petals?" He picked it and gave it to me with the hand that wasn't already occupied holding mine.

"One, two, three, four, five. What does that mean, Dr. McNeil?"

"I uh.. I forgot." He looked nervous again. I didn't understand.

"Are you alright, Neil?" He took my hand up to his lips and kissed it softly in a very gentlemanly manner.

"I am now that you're here with me." I could tell he wanted to tell me something, but he hesitated.

"What is it Neil; what is it you want to tell me?"

"Don't worry, lass. I'll tell you once we get to that spot."

"Alright." I was concerned, but I decided not to push any further. He would tell me when he was ready. We walked in companionable silence, still hand in hand. I wondered how long it would last. Why had Neil been single for so long? I'm sure he could have any girl he wanted. He could even marry outside the cove- he had spent time away in medical school. In order to calm myself, I looked straight ahead towards where we were walking.

"Neil, it's beautiful. How come I haven't been here yet? It's so close!" I gushed in awe.

"I haven't shown you because we haven't gotten to this place in our relationship until now." I turned from the beautiful landscape before me to face Neil. I was almost afraid to ask.

"And what is that place?"

"This is a special place in my heart. It's where I go when I need to feel safe, and yes, even small. Being a doctor gives me a lot of responsibility making sure people stay alive and if possible, healthy as long as they can. I admit that I've put a lot of responsibility on myself, a lot more than I can handle, and when someone gets sick or injured and I can't fix it, all of the bad things that have happened in my life- to me or because of me- and I get overwhelmed by guilt." He paused and gulped in some air. This was very hard for him to say, I could see it in his sad eyes. "Lass, I know we have a lot of things to work out, and there are a lot of things we need to tell each other still, but I know that I can be safe with you. We've argued and disagreed about the most profound things in life, but I know by your actions that you still care for me. I know that you believe in me, and it's made me become a better doctor, and I know you've trusted me with your heart more than once. When we operate, I know you are scared, but somehow you've got a kind of peace that calms you, and you surrender everything to some kind of higher power in that moment. I want that too." I started to open my mouth to speak, but he kept going, "Let me finish, Christy." He squeezed my hand and looked ahead for a moment before speaking again, "That's why I've been going to church and talking to David these last few months. I care for you a lot too Christy, but I know you deserve more than a young Christian. I want to be there to support you as well, because I believe in your gift with the children. I.." He made sure I was still looking at him seriously, "I would like permission to court you." He dropped his hands to his sides and looked at his shoes.

"Neil!" I threw my arms around him. "I thought you'd never ask!" Resting my chin on top of his shoulder, I felt him chuckle. "Well then, if that is how you feel about it Christy. I wonder why I didn't ask sooner." We hugged again and then smiled at each other.

"There is something more you wanted to tell me?"

"Yes, and as much as I don't want to ruin this special moment, I promised Alice that I would tell you the important parts about my past. Shall we sit down on this rock?" I snuggled as close as I thought was appropriate for a newly courting couple. "I don't want you to get mad at me." He hesitated. I couldn't decide if I liked this side of him that was a little nervous and unsure of things.

"Neil, I know you have a past. Whatever it is, we can figure it out together. If you don't tell me, you'll never be able to fully trust me." My heart was beating fast, and I was worried, even though I had just said it would be alright.

"I have been married before." Silence. I had thought it was strange that he was single, so it didn't really surprise me, but actually knowing the truth overwhelmed me a bit. "Say something, lass."

"I.. kind of wondered if you had. Sometimes when we fought, I couldn't understand your anger towards me. It felt like I represented something else in your life- someone else in your life. And that time I fell in the river and you gave me a dress to wear while I let my clothes dry.. I hardly knew you, so I didn't feel comfortable asking about whose they were if you didn't volunteer anything. There've been signs, but you put them all together for me. Neil, what does this mean? Are you still married even though your wife is obviously gone?"

"No Christy, I'm not married anymore. She died… no, she killed herself. She drowned in the river. I searched for her as long as I could, but Alice made me stop." I squeezed his hand. I could feel his pain and I wanted to stop it. I traced the lines on his open palm. "Christy, my wife was Alice's daughter." I stopped moving and pulled away from him. I don't know why it made such an impact on me. I hadn't been in Cutter Gap for more than 4 months, but I had already formed strong bonds with everyone there. But especially Alice. I could always go to her for comfort and advice, and she was fast becoming the mother figure I never had. "Neil, please take me back, it's getting late," I said with a glance to the sunset. He wasn't fooled. "Are you alright, lass?"

"I just need to talk to Miss Alice." He nodded as if he understood. "I still care about you, and I do want to court, but it will probably be slow at first. We have a lot to talk about." He stood up and I reached up with my arms so he could help me up. I wanted him to know by both my words and actions that I wasn't angry with him. We rushed back to the mission.

"Miss Alice, do you have a moment?" I found her taking clothes off the clothes-line outside. Luckily no one was outside. I couldn't hide the anger from my voice. "Yes Miss Huddleston, what is it thee wants?"

"I've trusted you with everything- all my problems and disappointments, all my happy moments and rewards. Why, why didn't you tell me that you had a daughter?"

She looked up sharply from folding a cloth. "How did thee know that?" This wasn't the Alice I knew- she was so guarded and fragile, so full of dark emotion.

"Neil told me just now. We've decided to court, so he thought he should tell me that." Her face turned up in a half smile, half snicker. "I should be happy for thee. I've known this would happen." Instead of angry I was now hurt.

"But you aren't happy?" I ventured.

"I will be. I know it has been a while since her death, but now I have to finally face that she is gone for good. I'm not mad at you. I can't be. But you represent a place in Neil's life that won't be filled by Margaret, and I am mad at her for leaving us." This was the first time she had broken her 'thee' pattern of speech. I knew it was meant to be a sign of love and respect.

"Miss Alice, I wish that you had told me. I am happy that Neil told me about his wife, but I had to hear that that is how you are connected and have an animosity in your relationship. I always thought that something happened between you two, but I would never have guessed. You hurt me Alice, by not telling me." I had started helping her fold the laundry and drop it into the basket. I tried, but I couldn't resist a tear and a sniffle. She stopped her folding again and put her finger under my chin. "I am human, just like everyone else. I make my share of mistakes, and I don't want you to put me on a pedestal. You love me too much already. Sometimes I wonder if you have replaced Margaret's place in my life. I have already begun to love you like a daughter Christy. Don't ever forget that. Especially when I make a mistake and hurt thee." I reached out to hug her, and she hugged me hard. I sobbed and she comfortingly rubbed my back. "I love you too Miss Alice."

"Please, Christy, doesn't thee think we've gotten past that formality by now? Just call me Alice." I had to laugh. If that wasn't the oddest time to tell me that, I didn't know what was.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

A/N: Sorry for the wait on the updates. I've been waiting for the inspiration for tho=is chapter myself. I hope it doesn't seem too cheesy or boring as there have been many interpretations on this event. This will be one of the last chapters if this story- it has become more of a backstory for future Christy stories. Enjoy!

"I'll hold down the fort while you're gone Miss Alice," Fairlight had been asking for extra work because Jeb hadn't come back from trading his honey, so she was there when Alice was getting ready to visit her old friends in Kentucky.

My pride got the better of me, "And what does that mean, Fairlight? I think I've been here long enough to prove that I can take care of the mission by myself!" Too bad Creed showed up just then and said, "look Miz Christy. Isn't he the prettiest you've ever seen?"

I dared look at what he had in his tin, and shrieked a little too loudly before clumsily slamming the lid back on. Alice smiled, "You don't need to convince me of anything Christy, just convince young mister Creed Allen and Dr. MacNeil, and I will entrust all my duties to you and quit the mission!" I stopped myself from gasping and saying, "You couldn't leave Alice!" Instead I was able to retort, "Just you wait and see. When you get back, Creed will be well behaved and Dr. MacNeil won't know what hit him."

Alice giggled and disappeared back inside the mission while it was Fairlight's turn to smirk, "Let me get your boots, Christy."

"My boots for what?"

"For when you walk on water!"

I was busier than ever and didn't seem to get too much time to contemplate that or anything else for that matter- not that I complained. I wanted to make sure that I kept up with all my work- tutoring the students who needed extra help, and grading assignments and tests in order to learn from and assist Dr. MacNeil. Sometimes I still felt like a little girl in front of Miss Alice. I didn't want to disappoint her. And if only I could manage my emotions when there was a misunderstanding between anyone in the mission house! I enjoyed dinner discussions and walks with both David and Alice when she had the time, but sometimes I needed to get away from the claustrophobia of the mission house! Thanksgiving had come and gone and life was back to normal as it could be. I was glad that Alice was leaving again soon. I made sure to take a walk of peace and quiet every time I could, but it was easier to find some space after Alice left today. Tomorrow I would finally get to go with David to Lufty Branch. I had learned to ride well by now, so I would not fall in the creek again only to be embarrassed by both looks from David and Neil. I was looking forward to it. I didn't think it would be as awkward as the first time of riding in between David and Neil. This time I knew that Neil and I were together and David was a dear friend of both of us, but not anything more to me. It should be a comfortable ride.

The next day we left as planned, bright and early. I hadn't yet given a thought as to how I would tame Creed's mischievous behavior, until my horse stopped midstream and scared me half to death. "Christy, what's going on? Why have you stopped?" I had just scrambled down from my horse and knelt beside Creed, who was lying in the stream. I started to breathe hard. I couldn't understand what had happened to him. He was lying limp, and almost asleep as if he was unaware that he was soaked in water. My nursing skills kicked in and I touched his forehead with the back of my hand. "It's Creed. He's burning up."

Then and there I felt the concern Neil had for the children as I heard him thrashing across the water towards us with a small protest from David who had to hold on to two horses. "You are right Christy. We need to soak him in the water."

"What?" I gasped.

"To cool his body temperature quickly before it gets dangerously high." Neil dunked Creed's lower half in the rapids as I cupped my hands and splashed water onto his face. "What do we do now?" My lips were quivering. Creed was Fairlight's nephew. He still looked pale and he hadn't woken up yet. "David, could you run back and get some quinine from the mission?" I had never seen Neil so polite during a medical emergency. He must have known how scared we were that something was going to happen. Without a word, David scrambled back on his horse and galloped back towards the mission. "Christy, we can't travel very far, but we'll turn around and look for an abandoned cabin on the way back." I nodded mutely.

Neil lifted Creed's body like a feather and I grabbed the reins of the remaining two horses. We would walk. I had become very tired when we reached the cabin he was talking about, but I had to keep my eyes open. Creed would feel better if I was there to assure him that he would be alright. Neil laid him down on a table that looked clean enough, and found some logs that could be put in the fireplace to make a fire if need be. We stayed up and watched over Creed. It wasn't until late evening when David finally knocked on the door. By that time, I had almost fallen asleep in the chair I sat in. "I had to go to your cabin, Doctor- there wasn't any at the mission,and there's just barely enough for one person that I found." Neil grabbed it quickly and I pushed a cup of water into his hand. He gently lifted Creeds head up and coaxed him to open his mouth and swallow. Creed was barely aware of us. "There- his eyes fluttered just a little." I watched his face fervently for a change, but there wasn't a difference. A few hours later, and David was antsy, anxious to do something. He left for the mission again supposedly to get food to bring back to us- we wouldn't be moving until the fever broke. I must have been really tired, to feel so worried and jittery. I began to pray out loud, I didn't care that Neil wasn't quite a believer even if he was interested an curious. It was mostly just to calm my own nerves and remember that God was still there. "Lord, your will be done. I ask from my whole self that you give Creed healing so that he can follow you in what you have planned for his life, and he can tell of the miracle of life that you have given him. Lord, I believe that you are not yet done with Creed, and he has so much more to give."

I felt utterly spent. I knew it was a simple prayer to pray, but I felt better after saying it. I believed with all my heart that God was listening.

I sat back down from leaning over Creed and holding his hand. Before I knew it, my eyes closed tightly and I could no longer hold back the sleep that came over me.

I could vaguely hear Neil as he leaned over me and felt my forehead, "Christy, stay with me, stay with me. God, what can I do? Lord help. I love her, I couldn't live life without her. I have seen her faith in you, and I want it so desperately. Please keep her here out of your mercy towards me. I know that I have turned my back on you and even denied your existence, but I've always felt your presence. I have never been able to escape the presence of your love. Don't stop loving me now. Please. Give Christy back to me. And as she prayed for Creed, Lord, I believe you are not done with her yet. I know that I can't do anything to heal her. I know that if she lives, it will be you that healed her and not me."


	10. Chapter 10

"Christy, would you open the oven and slide this pie in please?" Alice asked me. I rushed to do her bidding and had the oven on and the pie in as fast as she could say please. I'd been taking cooking lessons from Fairlight, and I hoped to make a special dinner for a certain someone as soon as the occasion was right, and I was making sure that I wouldn't burn anything even if I was going to be distracted.

It was a wonder that we were all in the kitchen, and if it wasn't for the fact we were in a rush to make a Christmas meal, Ida would have killed us all by now trying to make it all herself. And I mean all of us were there- as many women from the cove that would allow. Those who weren't in the kitchen were decorating and setting tables for the big meal that was supposed to happen around 3:00 or 4:00. I don't remember exactly whose idea it was to celebrate everything at the mission house, because the plan was concocted when I was still healing and in bed most of the time, but I think everyone could agree to eating together if everyone would help with the work. That way Miss Alice or the mission wouldn't be giving anybody any 'charity'. At first the concept of earning everything they were given was not only foreign to me, but self-righteous as well. But as I got to know them, I realized that even in the poorest places in the country, there was an even greater need than filling stomachs. They wouldn't be able to keep up living if they didn't have a shred of dignity that was usually afforded to human beings.

We worked almost all morning making the meal- the turkey, mash potatoes and gravy, multiple kinds of casseroles and as many pies we could make from the fruit and sweet things we had. I had it in my mind to do a bit of research to see how we could preserve every kind of food that we got from each season of harvest, and teach the community everything I learned. But that was in the back of my mind still, right now I was just about to take a breather and step outside to get some cool air.

I opened the porch door and rested my arms on the railing. The scene before me was certainly a winter wonderland- everything was snow-covered from the ground and the trees to the well. If any creature moved, it was a striking vision of color amid the snow. I felt a finger brush against my elbow, and turned in surprise. "Neil, you weren't supposed to be here until the afternoon!" I couldn't hide the smile in my voice. He pecked a quick kiss on my lips. We would wait until after the celebration to have more time alone.

"I have a gift for you lass."

"Now?" He nodded his head. "But we weren't going to exchange gifts until later after the Christmas dinner?"

"This doesn't count exactly." I hadn't noticed that his hand was hidden from view until he brought a few red roses in between us.

"How did you get these? Isn't the road to El Pano closed because of the heavy snowfall?"

"David gathered the men up over the weekend to shuffel out the snow and make a path. But there's more Christy."

"What do you mean- more roses?" I smiled. He always was a romantic under the tough exterior.

"No, more people than we were expecting."

"Oh?"

"Your parents are on their way. I saw them hiring a horse and carriage at the train station this morning. I don't know what's taking them so long."

"Did you know about this?" I tried to remain calm. I wasn't sure whether to be annoyed, anxious, or excited that they were going to celebrate Christmas with us.

"I was worried Christy. When you weren't recovering well, I thought I should let your parents know, so that you could go home to continue recovery over the winter break. I wrote to them again saying that you were alright, but I'm afraid I'm beginning to see where you got your stubbornness from- they came anyways. I wasn't sure if they would until I got their letter when the snow cleared this weekend."

"And you haven't told me until now?"

"I was waiting until we had some time alone.. but with everyone so busy…." He looked at me with eyes pleading for forgiveness. If there was one thing that I learned during my time in the cove, it was that almost nothing went as planned. And I couldn't fault him for telling my parents, or for their stubbornness. My angry eyes softened and I reached my arms around him and kissed him sweetly.

"What was that for? I was expecting a yell, not a kiss!"

"I love you when you're bewildered. Let's not waste time arguing about things that can not be helped. My parents would have come even if I wasn't sick just to make sure I was ok. Don't be hard on yourself Neil."

A delightful sound of his belly-sized laugh came to my ears, and I felt as light as a feather when he picked me up and whirled us around in a circle. "Aren't you a wonder, lass. I don't know what I'd do without you." He leaned in to kiss me again when we heard the slamming of the porch door.

I turned around to look behind me and saw a very flustered and embarrassed Dr. Ferrand. "Is there any place a man can get a moment of peace and quiet around here? That woman!" He stomped down the porch stairs and away towards the lake before we could say anything.

I gave Neil a concerned look. "I should go and see if Alice is alright." He nodded. As I was going back inside, I heard a sigh escape him. I turned back for a moment to glance at him and pause. "I'm alright Christy, I'll just have to ask God to take care of your stubborn parents, and then today would be a perfect day." I should have been annoyed, but I giggled. "That is why I love you!" Now, where was Alice? I walked through the kitchen, and with a pointed look from Fairlight towards the dining room, I found Alice sobbing.

"What happened, Alice? I thought you and Dr. Ferrand were getting along so well."

"Christy, you know how complicated love is, yes? It is even more complicated with two old fools set in their ways. I am trying, but I don't yet see a future for us together."

I took out the handkerchief that Neil had given me and put it in her fist. "Do you love him?"

"Yes."

"And he loves you?"

"Yes. Christy, why do you ask me such obvious questions?"

"If I've learned anything about my relationship with Neil, it's that love is worth all the trouble that comes with it." I was rewarded with a little chuckle while she was still busy drying tears from her eyes.

"The student has become the teacher."

"And that is a compliment to you Alice." I sat on the chair behind her and rubbed her back for a few moments. "When I was a girl, my mother would always rub my back to calm me down whenever I got hurt." I patted her back and got up to give her some time alone. She reached for my hand and squeezed it softly. "Thank you," she whispered. I knew that she would be alright eventually, but if she truly wanted a romance to work with Dr. Ferrand, than she would have to work through a lot of tears to get to a good place with him.

I stepped back into the kitchen to help with last minute details, and before I knew it, I heard a familiar voice calling to me. "My, is my girlie cooking in the kitchen? I thought she burnt everything she put her hands on."

"That was when I hadn't learned to pay attention or be patient." I wrapped my arms around him while he twirled me about like the little girl that he wished I still was.

"You look as right as rain! Dr. MacNeil wrote in his letter that he was worried about how much time it was taking for you to recover? Did we come all this way for nothing?"

"Daddy, it's Christmas! Of course you should come just to celebrate! And yes, I am much better, but I do still have to take frequent breaks of rest and can't do anything for long periods of time, or else I'll faint!"

"Where's Christy. Dr. MacNeil, I appreciate your attentiveness towards my daughter, but for such things as recovery from an illness, a child needs her mother."

"I couldn't agree more, Mrs. Huddleston, although she has done quite well herself, let alone needing either of us to take care of her."

"Alright, everyone out of the kitchen. I cain't think with all that jabberin' and movin' about in here. Shoo!" I could tell Fairlight meant what she said.

"You heard her, let's find a bigger space." I hoped Alice had heard us coming and gone somewhere else to recompose herself.

"So, weren't we about to steal away for a moment and exchange gifts?" Neil and I shared a look.

"Walk me out?" It felt like everyone's eyes were on us as we walked out the front door, holding hands. We were just exchanging gifts, why were they watching us like hawks?

"I've been waiting a long time to give you this," he said, his hand reaching inside his coat pocket.

"Give me what?" Then suddenly he dropped to one knee. Was he about to do what I thought that meant? I could only stare at him in anticipation, ready to jump at any moment. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind and I had to focus on his words.

He took out a black velvet box, and I knew. Don't say yes before he asks Christy! I tried to calm myself.

"It is part of the MacNeil tradition to pass this ring down to the next Mrs. MacNeil. Christy, I love you with all my heart and soul. You loved me and cared for me even when I did not love anyone else but myself. You showed me a way through the darkness into the light of Christ. I can not think of anyone but you in my future. Christy Rudd Huddleston, will you do me the honor of being my wife?"

And there it was, the ring, so old and anciently beautiful. My heart caught up in my throat, but I whispered, 'Yes Neil, yes." He slipped it on so easily over the finger that had always been bare, meant for exactly this occasion. I was stunned, but my body instinctively knew what to do and I reached for him. Sparks flew in intensity as we kissed, but it only lasted a moment.

Galloping hooves registered in our ears and we turned to face a scared and desperate man. "Is the Doctor here?"

"I'm the doctor." Neil let go of me and stepped towards the man.

"You're needed quickly in Raven Gap. The Smiths and O'Malleys are all in a bad way over some feudin'." Neil gave me a longing look, and I knew he didn't like this any more than I did. We kissed again before he ran over and mounted Charlie. I felt lost and empty. Emotions of joy and happiness had been cut short in seconds, and I was left there to watch him as he raced off into the distance.

What more could I do but go back inside and sit down by the fire with everyone else? I found a cup of tea being pushed into my hands. I felt Alice's arm hug me and she whispered, "Hold onto joy Christy. Your time with Neil will come." I felt them all watching me again, now with worried expressions.

"Rob, how about you play a little harmonica?" I asked. A look passed between Rob and Jeb and Jeb took out his fiddle. "Everyone, let's sing a few carols," Jeb announced as they began to play.

"Daddy! Somebody help! Somebody get Neil!" Alice had just stepped out to join Christy in welcoming David and her father from their ride into town. She didn't know exactly what had happened. What was Jeb doing all bandaged up, and what had made Christy scream so much in anguish? Her eyes searched for Christy and saw her kneeling on the ground next to… "Didn't Dr. MacNeil go over to Raven Gap Christy?" She rushed over to her side and turned Mr. Huddleston's body over so that she could see his face. She wasn't like Fairlight and her special spiritual sight, but she had woken up this morning with a terrible feeling. Something would happen that would change Christy's life forever. She breathed an almost audible sigh of relief and admitted to herself that she was happy nothing had happened to Neil, but took that thought back almost instantly.

"What is it Alice? Is he still alive?" There is no delicate way to say this. Alice, just spit it out.

"I'm afraid he has had a heart attack Christy, which almost always leads to death."

From behind her, Alice heard erratic sobbing coming from Mrs. Huddleston. She hadn't seen her when she came out. She heard a horse galloping and looked up to see Christy rushing into Neil's arms.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

A/N: This is the ending chapter. There will be an epilogue.

Everyone who was at the scene had gathered in the downstairs living room, Mr. Huddleston's body was nowhere to be seen; my mother and I were debating something in harsh whispers while Neil and Alice waited awkwardly to be noticed.

"Christy, I know about the engagement, we mustn't pretend anymore. Neil asked for our permission to propose, and we agreed. We came because we wanted to see you during the holidays, but also because we wanted to be here when you told everyone the news. I'm not letting you throw away all the work you have done here for me. I will live life and figure things out somehow."

"I find it hard to believe I'm not getting much fight from you mother. I always had the impression that you disliked Neil and him being a 'backwoods doctor' and all. Why the change of heart?" We had not said hardly a word about my father's death, and I was beginning to worry that she wouldn't be able to grieve with her mother. She was always so strong.

"We know from your letters that you've grown up here Christy. As hard as it is to let you grow up, you've done it anyway. I can not let you take two steps forward only to take one step back to come home and stay with me. Who knows how long it will be.." Pause, and a barely perceived tear rolling down her mother's cheek, "Who knows how long it will be before I stop grieving. I can't hardly believe my husband for 25 years is dead. We had even fought right before he left to visit town with Jeb. I didn't get to say I loved him, I didn't get to say good-bye." I knew my eyes had widened in surprise- a confession from my mother. We had never been so fortunate to be so close. If only it hadn't taken my father's death to bring us together. I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing. I hadn't stepped back to take in my own thought or feelings. It felt so surreal that my father was dead. I had been so happy with Neil, and now it all seemed so trivial and cut short. The only thought I kept hold of since I saw him falling to the ground was that he would never walk me down the aisle. I could not grasp the concept.

My mother chose this moment to turn to Alice and say sweetly, "I think I'm a litttle thirsty. Is there by any chance some hot water on the stove for some tea?" Alice glanced at me with worried eyes before leading her down the stairs.

I could not, I did not know how to face Neil, or what to say to him. I could barely look at him with as much of a smile I could muster. But how wonderful he was! He wrapped his arms around me and held me. "I love you Christy," he whispered into my ear and I clung to him as if he was my lifeline keeping me from falling into darkness.

The next couple weeks went by as if a dream. Mother left to go back home and arrange a memorial service in our home church in Asheville. Nothing stuck to me, and I couldn't touch anything, anyone. All I saw was worried eyes looking back at me if something happened to me that should make any person stressed and frustrated. But my face was blank except for when it came time for school, I put my emotions aside and put my heart into my tasks. I saw Neil as if from a distance, trying to reach out to me, but not able to touch me or help me. My only solace was Fairlight. I felt guilty for making everyone unhappy, and wished that they could feel comfortable being happy even though I was not. So we would take our routine walks and breathe the fresh air and appreciate the beauty of the mountain landscape. "Christy, ye aren't lettin' anybody in. We's all worried up a storm for ya and we cain't do nothin' about it. Yer the one who has to open up about what yer feelin', even if it be the most awful and horrible feelin' ya ever felt." We had stopped to sit on some flat rock over looking the valley. I knew it was beautiful, but my mind could barely register any emotion towards it.

"That's it Fairlight- I just don't feel anything. I'm numb. I'm in a daze. I'm trapped. I want to let Neil comfort me, but I don't know how. He's been so patient. He'll leave me if I keep on like this." My words stumbled out as I told my greatest fear.

"He won't leave ya Christy. You two have true love. It's on yer faces, plain as day." I didn't say anything, but I felt my chest rise and fall faster and faster and I could hear a strangled cry pierce the air. Fairlight's arms wrapped around me and rocked me back and forth as if a child while I wept and sobbed. We stayed there for hours. I thought I could never stop crying, but eventually I did. I had no more energy left to cry and cold sweat covered my body. When she knew I was done, Fairlight untangled her arms from mine, stood up, and reached out to help me up as well. I wanted to give her something for her kindness, so I hugged her, and whispered, "Thank you Fairlight. For everything."

She looked back at me with a smile all the way up to her eyes, "I think you'll do just fine. That cryin' ya was holdin' back put some feeling back into ya." I felt like I could sleep forever, and my head started to pound as we returned to the mission house, my eyes still all red and puffy. I was glad that Neil had stuck close to the mission to watch me these last two weeks. I let him tuck me into bed and give me a sweet kiss. I knew I would feel better when I woke up in the morning, and it was alright to feel a little happy, even though my father would still be dead.

I could hear Neil walking towards my desk where I was reading the children's essays. I had asked them to think of the happiest moment in their life and the saddest moment in their life, so they could compare them and learn valuable lessonss from them. I myself had just experienced both my happiest and saddest memories a few weeks before and was still reeling from them. Whenever I saw Neil, I had allowed some small talk but went back to my task at hand almost immediately after that.

"Hello lass." I felt him behind me, giving me a shoulder massage. "Hello Neil. That feels nice."

"I hoped it would. You've been through a lot." I tried to keep from sighing. He had to bring it up right away. Just when I was beginning to relax to his touch, I felt myself tensing up a little. I made a choice to be brave and vulnerable. Neil had a right to know. I turned around to face him, "Neil, we need to talk. I'm sorry that I've been avoiding you, but it's taken me awhile to gather my thoughts." I hoped he could see my eyes pleading for forgiveness.

"I understand, take your time."

"Do you really?" I winced in afterthought. I didn't want to pick a fight. But he must know that I'm sensitive right now.

"I lost my wife for goodness sake! I know how much it hurts when you lose someone you love." I could feel him pulling away.

"I meant- I lost my father. When he died, the only thought I could concentrate on was that he wouldn't walk me down the aisle at our wedding." I couldn't fight it anymore in front of Neil. Tears started blobbering out and as hard as I tried, I couldn't stop them from coming. I felt awkward there, balling my eyes out. I had never cried in front of him before.

"Come here lass," he opened his arms and I walked into them, still crying.

Neil looked up from comforting Christy to see Alice in the doorway of the school. He hadn't realized how long they had stayed like that; it was getting dark.

Alice smiled slightly at the picture of Neil and Christy. Hoping that Christy hadn't taken a walk and not told them where she was, Alice had gone over to the schoolhouse to check. She was very worried about her. After a few moments, Neil looked up at her. They shared a look of understanding before Alice turned to leave.

I could feel Neil moving, and looked up at him. He took a handkerchief from his pocket and began to wipe my eyes. While he was wiping them, I tried to explain, "I love being engaged to you Neil, I just don't know how to think about a wedding right now." He finished and gave the handkerchief to me, "Keep this. It's yours now." He sat down in my chair and pulled me down to sit on his lap. "Neil?" I was confused, he hadn't said anything.

"I know lass, and I'll wait for you, as long as you need." I had almost thought he was joking, but his eyes told me he was serious.

"What if I don't know how long it will take? You don't have to wait for me… I don't deserve you." He reached into his coat pocket, and I thought- he's already given me an engagement ring.

"I meant to give this to you soon after the ring, but in all the commotion, I almost forgot about it." He unfolded his hand so that I could see a broach. It looked sort of Scottish. "This is my promise to you Christy Huddleston: I will never leave you. I have fallen in love with you- all of you. Whenever you want to think about a wedding, we can start planning." I wrapped both arms around his neck and kissed him with all the passion I could muster after crying. "I love you too Neil. Thank you for being patient."

"Always. And you'll be there to remind me when I haven't been patient enough, won't you?" We hugged again, and stayed there for a few moments until we heard my stomach growling, "I guess that's our cue love," We disentangled and stood up. We walked to the mission house holding hands.

A/N: Hint, hint, o what could the epilogue be about? guesses? ;) I hope this is a no brainer question. Also, I will try and go back to revise and fix the story about how Margaret died.


	12. Epilogue

Epilogue

Neil was out on a house call and had been gone for days. I was glad the leaves had changed color and began to fall; it was a perfect setting for Fairlight and I to resume our walks and organize activities with the women. But I couldn't help but worry whenever Neil didn't come home when I expected him. I looked through the wedding album. Despite my desire not to spend very much effort on extra expenses for the wedding, my mother had insisted that we at least have an actual set of photographs to remember our wedding.

As if I would have trouble remembering it! I don't think I'll ever forget that giddy and joyful moment that was a wonderful reflief from the pain of grieving for my father just as much as a release of the beginning of the rest of my life.

This Spring was the darkest hour in my life. I felt detached from the newness of life and somewhat oblivios to the signs around me that nature beginning again; instead, I was dying inside, and experiencing many small deaths of my hopes and dreams of what life would be like. I would no longer be able to picture my father as a part of my future. He would not walk me down the aisle and give me away. But in this time, I also experienced the miracle of God's provision. The people of Cutter Gap were faithful, patient, and kind to me in my darkness. Their willingness to comfort me as if they also experienced death for the first time humbled me as I began to notice their daily struggle with death because of constant hardship. I had experienced their suffering of hunger and poverty, but I hadn't dared admit the consequences they would inevitably suffer as well. While battles with my mother had been common in the last few years, I felt even more anguish over my decision to stay in Cutter Gap while she left for home, alone and a widow. Fortunately, Alice knew my deep connection to these people and fought for me when all the fight had left me. Knowing that being here was essential to my process of grief and healing, Alice was so determined to show Mother all the wonders of these mountain people she all but persuaded my mother to stay. Neil and I continued our relationship, delving deeper into the details and delicacies of courtship that would soon prepare us for marriage. There were times when I was nervous around him, and did not want to show my vulnerability and constant weeping. But his new character in Christ showed through and he determined to understand my needs and learned how to console me. Whenever we began to fight over nonsenical things, we realized that it was time to spend a little time apart.

My greatest moment of relief from grief had been a moment of revelation. It was the beginning of summer, and the sun seemed to shine it's brightest hue that beckoned to me. My wandering feet ended up at the river's edge down from Neil's cabin. Seeing Neil fishing, I chose to stand out of his eyesight and watch. It made me remember the day Neil had given me a lesson in fishing. I had ended up in the same spot, running from a fight I had with David. With the simple act of teaching me how to fish, Neil's presence calmed me, and I was lulled to a peaceful state of mind by the sound of his voice. This time, it was God's voice that I heard. I watched as the fish fought against the current on to their destination. There, they would lay their eggs and finally die from exhaustion. But they did not die before they had the opportunity to give life and let the cycle began again for their children. Death was not purposeless. My father had given me life, and more importantly, gave life to my dreams. In that way, he would always be remembered, and he would be with me as I realized me dreams. And Neil was now quickly becoming the anchor of those dreams. It was time to set the date for the wedding. My father would not want me to stop my life because of him. He would want me to live! So I would.

The journey forward to my wedding gave me more and more energy with each new step. In order to snuff out my mother's control of the planning the decorative and unnecessary details of the wedding, we decided August would give us ample enough time to prepare. The simplicity of a mountain wedding was alluring, and so since I named Fairlight my maid of honor, she took it upon herself to organize the women in planning most of the essentials. In the Spring, David had decided that he did not fit in Cutter Gap, and had decided to go west with Ida. Ida had been secretly writing letters of courtship with a man who owned orange orchards in California during my entire courtship with Neil. Who would've guessed? As a result, we had a new pastor for our congregation fresh out of seminary, and his wife took on Ida's role as the cook. He agreed quickly to officiate the ceremony, would be his first. He was kind and had a generous nature, and was adaptable to the ways of the mountain people. I had a hint of insight that he would later be useful in giving people opportunities to learn how to better take care of their familes and draw income from their skills and resources. I was excited for his involvement in our community and began my mission of persuading him to my causes. Between wedding planning and forming relationships with the new mission staff, I started to come alive again without noticing that the edge of grief had gone.

I heard Neil's voice and realized that I had fallen asleep in the rocking chair with the wedding album on my lap, "Hello lass. Dreaming of our wedding night again?" His face took on an impish appearance and I saw that as a sign I should go along with his joke. Despite my determination not to blush, I shot back, "No Dr. MacNeil, I'm just cooking the burnt chicken dinner you like so much!" He let out a guffaw of laughter and surprised me by swiftly picking me up so that he was holding me horizontally against his chest. My mouth instinctively reached up to meet his in a sweet and lingering kiss.

"Alice has been missing you lately. Don't ignore her just because you have a lot to do keeping me in line." I felt him smile against me and his mood was very bright for spending a week in the medical trenches. This was too good a moment to pass up. We would find time to talk about our time apart later. "I'm just a little anxious that I don't know how to tell her that we've decided to start trying for a baby," I felt a remnant of my old shyness make me blush again. My parents had raised me in a world where feminity was constricted to a certain role as well as scripted to more formal and 'appropriate' things to say. I was glad for a home where my children would call me mommy or mama; Neil and I would build a more intimate and openly expressive family.

Neil kissed me sweetly again, "Well, let's get started then." I can't believe he had the strength to carry me upstairs, but he did. "I love you lass."

"I love you too." Once we landed on our bed, we envoked the power of our wedding vows.


End file.
